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Tuesday, February 15, 2011

#10 Wendy Dale


20 Questions with Mourning Goats
INTERVIEW TEN

Wendy just started working at an animal rescue organization as a filmmaker/translator but even while surrounded by 24 lions, she took the time to answer our questions. As always, in the presence of the bizarre, she shines through. Please read the fantastic interview below and learn about a great author as well as a great person. 

1. What comes to mind when you hear, “Mourning Goats?”

I think it’s pretty obvious. You’re referring to the famous Sanskrit parable in which Shiva leaves his goats unattended all night and later comes to regret it, the moral being that it’s not worth crying over lost goat’s milk.

2. I hear Internet connectivity is less than common in Bolivia, where are you connecting from today?

Ah, but there’s where you’re wrong. People tend to think that Bolivia is a backward country stuck back in the adobe age. First thing you should know: I have a pet cat, not a llama. Besides, Bolivians have really embraced new technology. Within a block of my house, there are three cafes offering high-speed Internet connection for less than fifty cents an hour. Not to mention that nearly all of my Bolivian friends have a FaceBook page. Around here, it’s even pretty common to see women in traditional dress (bowler hat and all) reach into the rainbow shawls on their backs and pull out a cell phone. Granted, they usually answer in their native tongue Aymara.

Though in all honesty, I’ve been here for five years now—and I still don’t know what an iPhone is.

3. Which do you prefer, fiction or non-fiction, in both reading and writing?

I will always love fiction. Even in writing non-fiction, I always rely on novel-writing techniques. Maybe it’s true that reality is stranger than what lies in any author’s imagination, but I still think it takes fiction to truly explain our world to us.

4. If I remember correctly, you are the reason fellow Mourning Goats interviewee, Craig Clevenger, got his book The Contortionist’s Handbook, in the hands of Chuck Palahniuk, how did this come to be?

It’s a long story that began when I came across a three-paragraph excerpt of The Contortionist’s Handbook on Amazon and knew I had to have the novel. I got to the last page and was simply blown away.

I’d never written to an author before and I had a lot of false illusions about the kind of life they led. I imagined Craig to be wealthy and famous, figured he was probably dating a supermodel. But when he emailed me back, it turned out he worked at Borders. I’ll never forget his comment: “There’s nothing worse than watching a person pick up your book, look it over, and then put it back on the shelf.” He added, “Writers are the only people who get royalty statements and eviction notices on the same day.”

This was devastating news, especially since my own book was slated to be published in a matter of weeks. At the time, George Bush was just starting to launch his war on Iraq and I felt helpless to do anything about what I felt to be a grave injustice. So I set out to right another wrong: the fact that a genius author could barely afford his own rent—his indie publisher hadn’t even given him an advance. And if I recall correctly, his first print run was just 2,000 copies. Or maybe it was 4,000.

It occurred to me that the only difference between Chuck Palahniuk and Craig Clevenger was that Chuck had lucked into a movie deal and had gotten tons of exposure for his book. While Chuck was busy brushing shoulders with Brad Pitt and Helena Bonham Carter, Craig spent his evenings working in a bar. My idea was this: If I could tap into Chuck’s audience, letting them know about The Contortionist’s Handbook, maybe Craig’s luck would change.

It was a crazy idea. Still, I needed to go through with it, partly because Craig and I had begun to correspond via email, but mostly out of a need to believe that it truly was possible to achieve some sort of fairness in this world.

I sent Craig’s book to the guy who ran Chuck’s website, and nothing happened for months. When I bugged him about this, he brushed me off with a comment about receiving lots of books and being all-so-busy at the moment.

Four months later, I got an email from Craig. He had included a link and a single line of text: “I could kiss you right now.”

There wasn’t any hidden sexual message there — Craig and I have never been more than good friends. But when I clicked on the link, I was led to an audio file, Chuck Palahniuk himself talking about Craig’s book, something along the lines of “This is the best fucking book I have read in five, no make that ten years.”

The rest is history, as they say. To be totally honest, I’ve never been prouder of anything else I’ve achieved. That was the day I felt I actually did something truly noteworthy.

To end this long story, let me just add that Craig and I have remained incredibly close over the past seven years. In fact, last March he visited me in Bolivia, crashing for three months at my place as he worked on his latest novel.

5. Where have your siblings and parents ended up? With everything I’ve read in your book and on your site, I can only guess everyone is scattered all over the world. 

I come from a family of nomads. It’s always been complicated explaining to friends about my travel plans for the holidays. When I get asked where home is, I usually respond, , “I don’t know yet. I’ll have to ask my parents.”

Ten years ago, when my parents were figuring out where to go next, fate stepped in — in the form of a travel guidebook. My mother came across the line “the city of the eternal spring” and uprooted the family to Cochabamba, Bolivia — without even having visited the place first.

This probably gives you the wrong impression of who they are. My mother loves floral print dresses and my dad buys his sneakers at Wal-Mart. In fact, they recently moved to a suburb of Albuquerque where my mother is a reservations agent for Southwest and my dad runs a home business, selling mineral samples over the internet. His site is www.dalerocks.com, which I love — my dad really does rock.

As for my siblings: Catherine runs a nursery school in Manhattan, Richard is a prison guard in Arizona, and Heather lives in Abu Dhabi — to be honest, I still haven’t quite figured out what she’s doing there. I imagine she must have gotten her hands on a guidebook.

6. You wrote employee newsletters for an aerospace company for a while, what was that like and how did you get into it?

I learned about the position from a posting on the job board at UCLA (I was in college at the time). My only writing experience up to that point was editing a student newsmagazine, but I bluffed my way through an interview.

I hated the job, but I was just twenty years old, was earning good money, and got to think of myself as a “professional writer,” even if the majority of my day consisted of informing employees what they could expect for lunch that day in the cafeteria.


7. You are an emmy nominated writer for The New Adventures of Mother Goose, do you think you’ll do anything like this again? 

Do you mean write about Mother Goose again? To be honest, I don’t have any plans to do so in the immediate future. Though I do work on film scripts from time to time.

8. You currently live in Bolivia, what do you like most about living there, least?

Cochabamba is a city of a million people with breathtaking colonial architecture, a near-perfect climate, and tons of great places to eat. I live in a two-story house with 30-foot-high ceilings, exposed brick walls, and wood floors — and my monthly rent is less than what many people in the States spend on a gourmet, five-course meal.

If I had one complaint, it would be that I still don’t know what an iPhone is.

9. Your agent for Avoiding Prison and Other Noble Vacation Goals was Stephanie Lee, is she also your agent for fiction? What’s it been like working with her?

Stephanie has been a friend, mentor, and therapist to me. Plus, how cool is it to have an agent with tattoos and pink hair? She has represented all of my works thus far. Sadly, she left the business a year ago. I haven’t yet looked for her replacement, mostly because I haven’t yet finished the proposal for my newest book.

10. Are you going to be focusing on fiction now, or do you think you’ll ever go back to another travel book? 

I don’t know that I’ll write about my travels again. But my latest project is a memoir, the story of seven years I spent living in a Mexican barrio in Los Angeles, titled American Wetback: An Immigrant in My Own Country.

11. Your book, Avoiding Prison and Other Noble Vacation Goals, was laugh out loud funny to me, especially the way you portray your Mother, with lines like, "Your father has become a jalapeno-chili-pepper farmer in Honduras." Is she as funny as your portray her or is it more of a situational humor?

I wish I could take credit for great writing when it comes to describing my mother, but the truth is that I simply followed her around with a notebook, jotting down everything she said. I was born to strange parents, something I hated as a child, but a fact that has turned out to be a huge plus for my writing career. I still remember an early comment from an editor after reading Avoiding Prison and Other Noble Vacation Goals: “That family is a goldmine.”

12. Can you tell us about your memoir classes on mediabistro.com? Do you think you’ll be doing more?

This year I tried my hand at teaching for the first time, and it’s been amazing watching other writers advance in their work. I really believe in writers helping out other writers — especially in an era in which publishers are more and more reluctant to publish books without an obvious commercial angle.

However, teaching has also been a huge drain on my time. Just today, I swore I’d never do it again — until I opened up my email in-box to find that my students had pitched in to send me an Amazon gift certificate for $180. That really got to me.

13. On your facebook page you mentioned that you voted this year in Bolivia, what was that like? 

It was kind of fun, actually. I think the poll workers assumed I was lost at first — I was the only blue-eyed girl in the place. (Here I’m also considered blonde, even though any red-blooded American would label me a brunette.) What followed doesn’t exactly make for a gripping story: I picked up a ballot, marked a few X’s, and deposited my slip into the appropriate box.

I voted for Evo Morales, who is making history as Bolivia’s first indigenous president — a man surrounded by controversy. I liken what is happening here to the Civil Rights movement in the States, but in a way the evolution in Bolivia is even more profound. This is a country that has been defined by centuries by a strict class system like nothing most Americans can even conceive of, and it’s exciting to watch the process of change, history taking place right in front of me.

14. I’m guessing that voting there means you are a full-fledged Bolivian citizen now, yes? Any thoughts on coming back to the states? Anywhere else?

I’m not a citizen, just a permanent resident. I’ve lived here for almost five years and while I’ve ventured outside the country — I spent three months in Argentina, took a quick trip to Chile, and lived in the Peruvian jungle for two months — I haven’t been back to the States.

When it comes to figuring out my future, I refer you to a quote from my first book: “For a brief while, I considered the possibility of becoming a ‘planner’ instead of (what would the opposite be? Oh yes...) a ‘fun person.’ ” In other words, I have no idea what comes next.

15. What did you think of film school in Cochabamba? What was it like writing and directing?

I know it sounds weird—I lived in L.A. for eighteen years and didn’t even think of studying film until I arrived in Bolivia. What I like most is that all film is independent here—and there is also a lot of talent.
Though there are a few perils. My first photography teacher spent most of our class time warning us of the dangers of having our cameras stolen. He constantly insisted that the most important skill a director of photography could possess was martial arts training—and forced us to spend hours doing push-ups on our fists.

16. If you got one piece of advice before you started writing Avoiding Prison and Other Noble Vacation Goals as well as your new fiction novels, what would it be?

I refer you to what Craig Clevenger said to me during our first correspondence, the comment about receiving royalty statements and eviction notices at the same time.

However, I’ll add something else, what I always try and drill into my own writing students: The path is filled with rejection—but it’s not impossible. The number-one reason that agents reject proposals is that a book simply isn’t good enough. I’ve met a lot of talented writers who submitted their works without truly polishing them first. You may have sparkling prose and a compelling idea, but if you don’t fully understand the concept of structure, you have no business trying to publish your book.

17. You’ve had a few interesting experiences with prisons, what’s one of your favorite stories? Did I hear that you were in last year for being an, “undocumented foreigner?” 

That sure put a damper on my Friday night! I had forgotten to bring along my I.D. and got picked up at a bar in a raid designed to round up illegal foreigners.

In a very strange twist of fate, at the immigration office, I later ran into a friend (a long-haired tattooed musician I never imagined to be working for the government). But he helped me out with all my legal hassles and introduced me around the office. A few weeks later, I’d become buddies with nearly everyone there, and many of my subsequent Saturday nights were spent over cocktails at my house in the company of immigration officials.

18. If I had the money, I would do the Bolivia tour you offer on your website, has anyone taken you up on it yet? What was it like? 

On a lark, I decided to offer a tour of Bolivia, but in the end, I never found the time to go through with it. I really need to update my sorely out-of-date website. Though Craig Clevenger did get my unofficial tour. I guess you should ask him what it’s like hanging out with me in Bolivia.

19. On your facebook page, I see that almost all of your family is on facebook, even Grandma Barbara, what do you think of the way that communication is going with social media?

For a nomad like myself, I love how easy it’s become to stay in touch with my friends in out-of-the-way places. Then again, there are a lot of ex-prisoners I’d love to avoid—would you believe it? Even they have a FaceBook page.

That reminds me: When I was hanging out with my immigration buddies, one of them told me about rounding up a Colombian suspected of drug trafficking. The guy’s friends had already been arrested, but he claimed to have no idea who they were. Then my immigration official friend pulled up the Colombian’s FaceBook page, a picture of them all drinking beers together.

20. You have a lot of things on the burner right now, what do you see happening in the next five years for Wendy Dale?

A while back when a friend was struggling over the decision to get married, I told her that it wasn’t such a big deal, that if it didn’t work out, she could always get divorced. “In fact, I’m thinking of getting married too, just so that I can say I’ve had the experience.” I didn’t have a boyfriend then, but I haven’t given up hope. If you know of any viable candidates, let me know.

Thank you!
Goat


Tuesday, February 1, 2011

#9 Pat Walsh


20 Questions With Mourning Goats
INTERVIEW NINE
Pat Walsh

Pat Walsh has been the editor of multiple Mourning Goats interviewees and has taken some time away from the slushpile to help us here! And, I'll say that his book on publishing is by far my favorite book on the subject, it's witty and doesn't sugar coat the world of publishing, like most books. Enjoy interview 9, with MR. Pat Walsh!  

1. What comes to mind when you hear, “Mourning Goats?”
It’s funny. That’s the most common question that I’m asked about publishing. All I can say is that my thoughts on mourning goats are a matter of public record and I stand behind them.


2. You've had the opportunity to work with a lot of upcoming authors on their first books, what were some of your favorites and why?
As feeble and wussyish (sp?) as it sounds, I don’t have favorites per se. The great thing about working with authors on their first books or at least their first novels is that the experience is always different. I’ve been lucky to work with the likes of Jack Pendarvis, Mike Kun, Craig Clevenger, Stephen Elliott, Michelle Richmond, Michelle Tea, Mark Dunn, Joey Goebel, Amy Koppelman, Samantha Hunt, Elisabeth Hyde, Joe Di Prisco, and Stephen Tunney and many others over the years and it’s been great.  


3. Being an editor, how hard is it to write anything? Are you constantly second-guessing yourself?
I’ve written three very different books. One was a rant on my personal annoyances, one was a long, self-deprecating joke, and one was a business narrative co-writer gig. Each book was very different and each had challengers. Do I second guess myself? No, absolutely not. Well…maybe. Definitely sometimes. Or not.


4. I hear you’re currently working on a new book, can you tell us anything about it?
I’m translating the collected works of Ovid into Esperanto limericks.


5. What books are you most excited about that are coming out in 2011 from Macadam/Cage?
Very excited about One Hundred Percent Lunar Boy by Stephen Tunney and Under the Harrow by Mark Dunn, which both came out in December. Upcoming we have a debut by a new author named Julie Trimingham, a new work by Joe Di Prisco and a new work by Robert Kalich.


6. In one interview you said that the fastest acceptance of a manuscript took less than a week, what book was it, and what made it a must have?
Many of our acquisitions took less than a week. One Hundred Percent Lunar Boy did most recently. I don’t think, however, that the speed of acquisition is a true indicator of quality, just good timing.


7. What is your take on e-publishing? Some say it’s going to take the place of “real books,” what do you think?


People want what they want and they want it faster and cheaper. They’re not wrong. Most artistic delivery methods experience disruption and it’s almost always good. From the printing press to “talkies” to radio to digital music. It doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad. It’s just true so deal with it. If people still want books on paper, it will always be available to them.


8. You took a break from Macadam/Cage from 2005 to 2008, what happened, and why did you go back?


I got fired - but in a good way. Long story obviously but I wanted the management to head the company in a particular direction and they chose another. There were no hard feelings and a few years later, they asked me to come back because things weren’t going the way they had hoped.  


9. What are a few of your favorite or strangest submissions you’ve received?
We have a file in the office called “When Hell Freezes Over” that is filled with the strangest and most insane submissions. I never let it leave the office and only staff and interns can see it.


10. You were in the world series of poker, how did you get involved? How did you do?
I wrote a book proposal outlining my plan to take a lot of money from a New York Publishing House and use it to play poker. Penguin bought it and I bought a ticket to the 2005 WSOP. I sucked.


11. What would you consider the most successful book that Macadam/Cage has put out? Why?
In what sense? Most books have had some impact which has made them successful. We’ve had books that enjoyed literary and financial success like the Time Traveler’s Wife and The Contortionist’s Handbook and Ella Minnow Pea. We’ve had books that launched many writers’ careers.


12. You have to have one of the best jobs in the world, after the San Francisco Chronicle, how did you get started as an editor?
I do love my work and would do it until the day I die, if that’s possible. But it’s been a very difficult few years. I lucked into the job, really. I was supposed to be M/C’s first author but my book sucked and the Publisher needed help reading the submissions. Before long I had business cards and I let the book die a merciful death, unseen by anyone’s eyes.


13. Macadam/Cage is responsible for a few of the authors we’re going to be interviewing here at Mourning Goats, can you remember what was going through your head when you read Craig Clevenger’s first novel (The Contortionist’s Handbook) or Joey Goebel’s (The Anomalies)?


Craig’s book was an immediate revelation and I wanted it immediately. I received nothing but enthusiasm from the Publisher and we bought it very quickly. Joey’s book was sent in the slush and I also immediately fell in love with the damn thing. The Anomalies is a very special book in that it was lighthearted but deeply moving. His later works have been more literary and show the amazing talent he has.


14. What’s the most common mistake that you are seeing in submissions at Macadam/Cage?
Dear Ms. Walsh…


15. There were a lot of money issues at Macadam/Cage over the past few years, how are things looking now?
Things are still very tough and the future is always uncertain. It has been a very long slog and there have been many casualties along the way, most notably our relationships with some of our authors. We are still working our way out of a financial pit and it’s very hard. But things are getting a little bit better every day so we just have to hold on.


16. What does a normal day in the life of Pat Walsh look like?
It begins (and ends) with two and one half hours of personal grooming. The morning is dedicated to berating the interns. The afternoon is spent drinking my lunch. And the evening is devoted to Dancing with the Stars. Actually, my day is triage. Dealing with whatever problems arise between sunset and sunrise. I mercilessly chase money owed to us. And I shamelessly promote books via email and telephone.


17. 78 Reasons Why Your Book Will Never Be Published and 14 Reasons Why It Just Might, is a blunt book on publishing, do you think more wannabe writers need this kind of wake-up call?
I didn’t write it for wannabe writers. I wrote the book for writers who keep getting rejected. I never thought all 78 reasons applied to any one person. I hope it would give writers a brief glimpse into the failings of the publishing industry and the mistakes, sometimes minor ones, which lead to rejection.


18. I’ve read a lot of interviews from authors being published by Macadam/Cage, and they speak very highly of the press, what makes Macadam/Cage different?
We took chances on a lot of writers that New York had dismissed or ignored and writers are, by and large, very loyal. I’ve always thought that our Publisher, David Poindexter, was the thing that made our house special. But I was wrong. He’s actually a prick. (Just kidding). David poured millions into the idea that great books can find an audience regardless of marketing bias, publishing trends, and profit and loss statements.


19. I read somewhere that you write fiction as well, are you currently working on anything?
I don’t write fiction. I’m sure I have a novel inside me but I’m also sure I have some sort of malignant tumor inside me too. The two are locked in a race to kill me.


20. Your book gives some of the best writing advice I’ve ever read, for those that haven’t read it, what advice would you like to pass on to them?
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. In other words, buy new debut fiction. Don’t stick to buying writers you already know from used book stores. Ask your local bookseller for a recommendation and read new authors. And if you like them, don’t keep it to yourself.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

#8 Joey Goebel

20 Questions With Mourning Goats

INTERVIEW EIGHT

What can I say about Joey? Torture the Artist is on my list of top five books for writers and the guy that wrote it, is awesome. He's a short story writer, novelist, singer, songwriter, and an all around great guy. I'm excited for you all to read the second interview of 2011!

1. What comes to mind when you hear, “Mourning Goats?”

I picture some gnarly young billy goats at a funeral home—Dave Coulier types. You know, sophisticated and petite, but with a little extra torque in the squat-thrusting department. One of them arrives and signs in at the guest book on the little podium with the pull-string lamp and thinks, “It never fails—no one signs their address in these things. They only sign their name, even though it clearly asks for the name and address. Screw it, I’m signing my name and address. That’s what it asks for, so why shouldn’t I?” So then this goat walks inside and licks some asses and gets his ass licked, and he goes over to one of the sitting areas where the family has set up a computer slideshow of the recently deceased goat as a child, with his family, dressed as Brian Austin Green for Halloween, etcetera, etcetera, what will be will be. But then Lyle starts thinking, “Ah, man. That might make me look self-important—like I think I’m special in some old-fashioned way—the way I decided to be the first one to put my address, while so many others just signed their names.” So he goes back and eats the entire guest book and leaves.

2. One of my favorite stories of yours is The Phallic Artist, from a now defunct journal, Cellar Door, did you write that during the same time you wrote Torture the Artist? I felt like they were connected in a lot of ways.

I wrote it not long after I finished Torture the Artist, and you’re right; the theme of The Phallic Artist is identical to that of Torture. The story behind that is that someone at the publishing house asked me to write a companion piece to Torture the Artist, such as a short story that could be placed somewhere in order to spread the word about the book. I got the idea from a friend who was in a figure drawing class in college. He would call me up almost every night and share with me his acute anxiety over having to draw a nude male model. He was seriously considering leaving the drawing blank at the crotch area. To comfort him, I said, “Who knows—maybe because you’re so worried about this, your heightened emotions will come through when you draw dicks, and maybe you’ll be so good at drawing them that you will have found your calling.” I could see him screaming to the heavens: “Damn this gift I’ve been given!” He ended up getting through it without any trauma, and I got a story out of it. I don’t know what happened with getting it published, but a couple of years later I eventually placed the storymyself when Cellar Door asked for a piece. It was then made into a short film by Lucky Rabbit Films out of Austin.

3. I saw that Pat Walsh was your editor for The Anomalies, he’s lined up to do an interview for Mourning Goats, what can you say about him, before he’s in for the 20 questions? Also, editors in general, what have they done for you?

Pat is very intelligent and has a great sense of humor. Not only is he intelligent in terms of the writing side of publishing, but also the business side of publishing. There was a long stretch of time—I guess from The Anomalies on through Torture the Artist—that I talked to him far more than I talked to any of my closest friends. I loved talking to him. He was good at making me feel good—which I think is a good trait for an editor. We had a lot of laughs. I remember the one time he did not laugh is when I made fun of California for electing Arnold Schwarzenegger as governor. (I had to say something as it was nice to see another state embarrassing itself.) He took that one hard. He didn’t see any humor in that. What have editors done for me? Well, in Pat’s case, he got my novel-writing career started by reading my query letter and then asking for my manuscript. In general, I think editors are helpful for the author’s morale. The relationship with editors isn’t exactly what I’d thought it be; there haven’t been any in-depth series of letters about the writing itself, like with F. Scott Fitzgerald and Maxwell Perkins. Usually with editors, I talk more about business than the books themselves. I always enjoy talking to them.

4. I love the line you wrote, “Get mad at something and make it better through writing.” What did you get mad about for each of your books?

For The Anomalies, I got mad at how predictable everyone was. With so many people, you know what they’re all about without them even opening their mouth. Their appearance is their mold and everything about them fits into that mold. And as a result, so many people are basically the same, because they so often “look the part” and vice versa. (“Haven’t we met before?” I would find myself thinking.) For Torture the Artist, I got mad at how utterly stupid and talentless the entertainers of the 21st century had become. I was—and still am—gobsmacked at what passes for entertainment. And for Commonwealth, I got mad that American voters not once but twice elected a man into office who did not represent their economic interests. All the contradictions stared us in the face: a common man who was a member of one of the most elite families in the country, the more masculine choice who was also a cheerleader. All I can do is barf, and the barf comes out in book form. “Goebel” is slang for vomit in German, which I’ve been made aware of repeatedly when I tour over there.

5. Do you write every day? Every week? What does the writing process look like, for you?I do write every week, normally Monday through Friday.

I’m still trying to find the best process. Sometimes I do it according to time: As long as I put in approximately seven to eight hours a day into my book (as well as in book-related tasks, like answering e-mails or going through my notes), then I’ll be satisfied. Or lately, I’ve been doing it by quota: six pages a day. This is in an attempt to get the first draft done for my new novel. It’s a triumph psychologically to finish the first draft, which I find to be the most difficult.

6. In Torture the Artist, you described something beautiful and horrible rolled into one, what do you think about where entertainment is going these days? Should we start some experiments, see what we can create?

Entertainment is as ghastly as ever. It’s gotten worse since I wrote Torture the Artist. My views on this topic can best be expressed in a song I wrote for my new recording project (which I’m calling Nervous People). The song is called “Bodies Writhing (the American Music Awards)”: Bodies on the TV, dancin’ up a stormCallin’ themselves artists, I’m callin’ it pornI can hear the message, rubbin’ it’s way through:You were awful slutty, now I’ll have to outslut you
Yes, sweeheart I see you, yes, you’re all grown upMaybe someday we’ll forget your Mickey Mouse ClubYes, I said I see you, you’re bringin’ sexy backSubstituting lust for the talent that you lackChorus—Looks like they’ve made love obsolete Where once there was warmth, there’s only heat And bodies writhingThis is what it’s come to: Ga Ga Boom Boom PowBaby caveman orgies make that future soundNo imagination, but man, they sure can moveLooks like they’re thinking anything but thinking ought to do
Repeat chorus.Bridge: Touch my body, won’t you touch my body?Repeat chorus and bathe. I don’t think any experiments would succeed. The best we can hope for is that the occasional work of true originality and imagination will reach mainstream audiences. LOST would be an example. I am a full-blown LOST fanatic. From a writing standpoint, I’ve never seen a show that’s so ambitious. And the different narrative techniques they used throughout the six seasons always impressed me.

7. You were awarded Romania’s Ovid Festival Prize in 2009. How did an author from Kentucky win this? What did it entail?

My novels were published in Romanian, and the judges noticed, I guess. And the reason I was published in Romanian is because I was published in German by Diogenes, the largest independent publisher in Europe. They are well-connected all over the globe, and they handle my foreign rights, so that’s how I ended up getting published in all the various countries. To receive the award, I got a trip to Romania, and I brought my wife with me. We were right on the Black Sea in a town called Neptun that was formerly a resort for the communist higher-ups. I attended some conferences and went to readings, and it culminated with the awards ceremony. I tore it up, author-style. The whole trip was surreal for me, and the prize money allowed me to focus solely on writing and doing water colors of ear lobes for several months.

8. With that, it seems that you have a huge following in Europe, do you think America will catch up?

Well, check this out: ELLE Magazine in Romania made my book one of their book club picks, and so I did an event in Bucharest, Romania, where all these young Romanian ladies were gathered to discuss my book. My wife and I got a kick out of that, especially since it took place in a high-end furniture store. I’ve never read ELLE, but I would imagine the American version of ELLE doesn’t offer much page-time for authors or books. Who would want to read about books when we can read about which cast member of CSI: New York Angeles has the best set of abdominal muscles or learn about how great Kate Hudson’s fallopian tubes are? So from what I’ve observed, authors aren’t as marginalized by the media in Europe. Let me put it this way: If America “catches up” as you put it, I’d be surprised, unless I come up with some good plots for lonely vampire wolves.

9. You’ve been doing some freelance work this past year, how did it go? Anything you’re particularly proud of?

It went well. It’s sad how much more money I could make writing an article about Michael Jackson than I could being an educator. I liked the Michael Jackson piece because it made me feel like I was a part of this big news story, rather than just an observer. DIE ZEIT contacted me, like, the Thursday after he died, and I had to have it turned in by Monday. They wanted a younger American’s take on what he meant to pop culture. I discovered that with my ability to get published in the German papers and magazines, freelance work is relatively easy money, but what I don’t like about it is that it took away from my creative writing time.

10. You did your MFA in a low-residency program, after you’d already been published, what did you think of the program, and why go back after tasting success?

I went back after being published because I wanted the security of having a master’s degree so that I could get a “real” job. When it comes to my books, I never know from one year to the next how much money I’m going to make, so getting an MFA was something I decided to do when I knew that I would be getting married and eventually reproducing. So basically, it was the decision of rational guy being uncertain of his financial future. Oh—and I wanted to enrich myself intellectually. I was more than pleased with the program. I chose Spalding University, which is in Louisville. The workload was daunting, but I thrived under all the deadlines, and these deadlines helped me write Commonwealth, probably the longest book I’ll ever write. It was actually such a positive experience that I found it disconcerting. I kept thinking, “Why is this going so well?” The teachers were wise and my classmates were supportive. Some people say that the problem with these MFA programs is that they churn out batches of writers who all write the same way, and that they are therefore institutions breeding conformity. But you hear that argument so often that I think it’s just become something that people think they are supposed to say, kind of like when people say that Kanye West is a musical genius.

11. I read on a German site, that you’re teaching now, what books are you using with your students? Any of your own? 

I teach English 101 and 102, so they mostly have to read textbooks. However, I make it a point to have them read one novel, and one of their essays is supposed to be about that novel. I make them a list of novels that are either classics or ones that I think they’d like. I also usually pick short ones, for obvious reasons. One semester, I assigned only five novels, so that we could have five in-depth discussions about some of my favorite novels. These novels were: Cat’s Cradle, The Metamorphosis, The Great Gatsby, The Catcher in the Rye, and The Stranger. It amazes me when someone doesn’t like any one of these books.

12. What’s happening with the Torture the Artist movie, with Lucky Rabbit Films?

I don’t have much to report. The producers have optioned the film rights a third time, and they are very much interested in making the film a reality. They flew to Kentucky to meet me and my wife. I liked them, and I patiently await to see what they do with the book.

13. Last year you wrote, “The song is so bad that while I was listening to it, it made me dislike life,” in reference to an Owl City song, topping the charts. I laughed out loud, or lol’d as the kids are saying, when I read that, any new songs you particularly hate or would like to rip apart?

I LOVE this question. I had forgotten that line, which I used on ye ol’ Facebook, I believe. Since you’ve brought it to my attention, I think I’ll make a place for it in my new novel, so thanks. There are so many new songs that I hate, and you might think, “Why do you listen to them, then?” But I think it’s good to be aware of them. It’s kind of like checking the pulse of youth culture, to see how much longer it will be before the world dies off. So every once in a while, in the car, I’ll listen to the pop stations, and I also watch the big music award shows, and I’ll sit there in a state of pure wonder, saying to myself, “This is REAL. This is not a Saturday Night Live skit. This is not meant to be a joke. And people LIKE it.” A perfect example would be the Black Eyed Peas updated version of “I Had the Time of My Life.” Okay, that in itself is stupid enough (Can’t you hear them pitching it to the record execs—“Yo, we wanna take that Dirty Dancing song and make it our own.”) But then—after Will I Am and Fergie struggle out the chorus, they inexplicably start saying “dirty bit” as the song falls apart into a techno atrocity. It is SO BAD. And then—this was at the aforementioned American Music Awards—when it was over, Will I Am yelled, “Welcome to the future.” So here is the future, everyone: the song from Dirty Dancing and the repetition of the words “dirty bit”…the complete absence of creativity or originality…And have you seen how they dress? My twelve-month-old niece has a cooler fashion sense than the Black Eyed Peas. They look like idiots. A couple of more observations from the American Music Awards: When certain buxom chanteuses like Katy Perry and Rihanna came out wearing dresses that actually covered themselves, I announced to my wife, “That dress is coming off within thirty seconds.” And I was right… You know those background dancers who basically just straddle things and writhe on the floor? I always think about how they have parents: “Hey, Mom! Be sure to watch me on the American Music Awards tonight. I’ll be dryhumping Ne-Yo’s thigh. Be sure to tell all your friends.” Why the hell hasn’t Justin Bieber’s voice changed yet? Isn’t he going on 18 by now? Does he have some sort of developmental problem? Is he a castrato? Sidenote: My sister always comments about how Justin Bieber gives her the creeps, which I think is hilarious, and I kind of see what she means. And two more songs that I’d like to address: Bruno Mars has a hit song called “Just the Way You Are.” Why?! You know that he or someone in his camp HAD to know the title was already taken by Billy Joel. I think it was an arrogant choice to call the song that. I mean, how did it even happen? Was he listening to the radio and heard the BillyJoel song and say, “Hmm. Since I can’t come up with an original idea, I’ll just take that chorus word-for-word but change everything else about the song.” Bruno’s song is melodramatic, with a melody that I would call “obvious,” and “easy” lyrics. There isn’t a tenth of the melodic appeal of the Billy Joel song. (And don’t get me started on how Billy Joel is always considered “uncool.”) And Ke$ha has a lyric in her song that says “we’re dancing like we’re dumb.” Finally, a 21st century performer who sings the truth.

14. When you wrote Torture the Artist, you said that you had a much darker ending in mind, before meeting your wife, where did you originally see it going?

I think I was going to have the Harlan character just wither away in his hotel room. Strangely, even with the way I ended up writing it, I’ve had a lot of readers and interviewers comment on what a sad, bleak ending it is. But it’s supposed to be happy.

15. You wrote four screenplays earlier in your career, do you ever think about turning any of the three left into novels (The Anomalies was a screenplay before being published as a novel)?

No, because they’re low-brow comedies, and anyone who still reads novels in the 21st century would not be interested in reading stupid comedies. Here were the titles: FRANKY DANDELION, THE SCHOOL OF WHATNOT, and GIRL HUNT. I’ve written several more since I became a novelist, and I plan to continue writing them. For me, screenplays are much, much easier than novels.

16. When you send out books to fans, I’ve seen on more than one occasion that you send out old pictures of teen idols, what’s the story behind this and do you still do it? (I personally got Bruce Springstien and Rob Lowe)

Ha! You fared better than most. Just yesterday I sent out C. Thomas Howell and Rachel Ward. My sister was a teenager in the 1980’s, and she would buy the Teen Bop magazines, and I’m assuming they still have magazines like this—each page would simply be a photo of a teen idol, everyone from the cast of the Breakfast Club to Andrew McCarthy to El Debarge to Scott Valentine. My sister would cut her favorites out and cover an entire bedroom wall with them, and because I wanted to be just like my big sister, I did the same thing, even though it was probably inappropriate for a six-year-old boy to have his walls plastered with pictures of Judd Nelson and Patrick Duffy. (I also really liked female soap opera stars of the ‘80s and had an album full of pictures of Emma Samms and Finola Hughes and Felicia from General Hospital. I was a weird little dude, even back then.) So my sister saved these old magazines. What people get in the mail from me are the pictures of celebrities that my sister and I didn’t deem wall-worthy. Yes, I still do it, though my supply is nearly depleted. I do it just because I like the idea of sending something extra, and because people tend to get a kick out of it. There’s no meaning or message behind it.

17. You said to a fan on your facebook page that the newest book, Commonwealth, took, “so long and was so much work that it made me start to hate writing,” can you go into more detail for us? What do you mean by that?

Oh, I meant exactly what I said. That book exhausted me. I know that it is a privilege to be a published author, but one big hardship of being an author rather than having a regular, nine-to-five job is that the work never really ends. You might be away from your computer, but you can’t get your brain to stop tinkering with a certain plot point. So with Commonwealth, I’d go to bed, but after I turned out the lights, I would think, “Well, I’m lying here doing nothing. The lights are out and it’s quiet so I have no distractions. This would be an ideal time to have my brain work out some details on the book—just until I fall asleep. And then, of course, the sleep wouldn’t come. So, yes, writing is an art form, or a craft, but I also think of it as work, and just like with anything, if you work on the same thing so hard for so long, it will leave you soured on that particular type of work. But I took some time off from writing novels. I worked on screenplays and the freelance articles. And now I’m deep into my fourth novel, but I’m sleeping well and trying not to completely give myself over to the book.

18. In November, you had a short story come out that you described as, “Mad Libs meets Choose Your Own Adventure meets 21st century marketing,” what can you tell us about it?


Strange career development: Mercedes needed an author to write a story, one which requires the person at the computer to enter information, so that the story becomes interactive. Because of my following in Germany, I was offered the gig. It’s surprisingly dark and surreal for a story on a Mercedes site.

19. If you had to give one piece of advice to aspiring writers about life, not writing, what would it be?

I think the single best piece of advice I could give them would be for them to protect their health. This is something I’ve only recently learned myself. For instance, I’ve learned that exercising thirty minutes a day can help me sleep better at night. The older I get, the more I realize how if you don’t have good health, you don’t have much of anything. Since I’ve started taking better care of myself in way of diet and exercise, I’ve noticed that writing isn’t as exruciating.

20. You were working on a new book this year, what can you tell us about it? Do you have a title yet?

It’s set in high school and it’s in first person point of view. This one has some really nice words! Nouns, verbs, a couple of prepositions—the whole deal, y’all. It’s funny and sad and might be described as a geek fantasy. No title yet. I have two of the three words of the title selected. The third one keeps eluding me. Maybe “goat” will do.